


Why I Have Nightmares

by LadyAnatares



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Don't say I didn't warn you, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Not Your Doll AU, One-Sided Attraction, Parent-Child Relationship, are you ready for feels?, i'm not, no really, not enough fluff though, this is sad, very dark too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:51:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAnatares/pseuds/LadyAnatares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is going to be a really freaking sad trip, you guys.</p><p>This is a story about Sans' past and is canon for my other fic, Not Your Doll, told from his perspective twelve years before Frisk freed all the monsters from the Underground. His dad is the Royal Scientist, his family lives in a nice, big house in the capital, and he plays and has adventures with his siblings and the other monster children. Why did it have to go all wrong?</p><p>*****NOTE: Extremely slow & infrequent updates*****</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lazy Bones.

“cali! come here cali!”

She looks up at me, her adorable little face twinkling with delight. She stuffs her hands near her open mouth and giggles, then shakes her head no, her purple ribbon fluttering and bobbing with her and twisting around her arm.

“aww, don’t you want to give your biggest bro a hug?” I tease her, holding out my arms.

Cali giggles again, then slowly, carefully, she rises to her feet. I can’t tear my eyes away from her, so worried that she might fall. She’s still new at this. She takes a couple steps experimentally, and my soul swells with pride. Finally, a devious look crosses her little face, and she charges at me. I catch her in my arms and we crumple into a heap, laughing.

“BIGGEST BRO! MWAH!” she says adorably, planting a sloppy kiss on my face.

“d’aww, i love you too girl,” I chuckle, rubbing her head. I notice the ribbon has come partway undone, so first I go to try and untangle it from her arm before fixing it. It’s caught itself between her radius and ulna again. Great.

“moooooom,” I call out, annoyed. “why don’t you ever make calisto any dresses with _long_ sleeves? this wouldn’t happen so much if she had real sleeves,” I grumble.

“because she chews on them, dear” mom’s voice answers me from the next room where she’s making dinner. Smells like lasagna. “by the way,” mom adds. “dinner is just about ready. do you know where papyrus has gotten to?”

“last i saw the lazy bones he was playing robots in his room,” I tell her.

“well could you go and get him, sans? i want you all at the table in five minutes.”

“okay mom. cali, want to help me get papy?”

She wiggles her little finger bones at me, that devilish look returning to her cute little face.

“yes,” I sigh. “we can give him a tickle ambush. come on, baby bones.”

“YAY! PAPY!” she cheers.

She vibrates with delight, then grabs my hand earnestly and slowly walks with me to Papyrus’ room. It’d be faster for me to just teleport us both there, but Calisto needs the practice walking. Her tiny hand is wrapped so tightly around mine, as if she’d never let me go.

But that’s forgotten immediately upon entering Papy’s room. She practically sprints to the bed where he’s dozed off. I run to her side before she can get too high and use a hand to steady her back as she climbs the side of his racecar bed and jumps onto his ribs.

“PAPY WAKEY!”

“AAAUUUGHH!!”

“TICKLE TICKLE!”

All right, maybe I should rescue the sad sack of bones.

“papy, dinner is almost ready. mom wants us at the table,” i tell him, gripping Calisto by the ribs and lifting the little savage off the struggling skeleton. She huffs, reaching down for her brother to continue his torture. “did you have fun playing robots?”

“I WASN’T PLAYING ROBOTS, SANS!” he protests, shaking his bony little fists.

“sure you weren’t,” I shrug in disbelief, grinning.

“I WAS CREATING A MASTER PLAN TO GET REVENGE ON UNDYNE! SHE’S SO ANNOYING!!”

“what’d she do this time, bro?”

“SHE… OVER RECESS, SHE TOOK MY LUNCHBOX AND THEN THREW IT IN THE LAKE!” Papy says sadly, little orange tears welling up in his eyes.

“show me where after dinner, and i’ll try and fish it out for you, ok?” I offer. “then we’ll find a way to fry her for it.”

“UGH! NO PUNS!”

I can only shake my head laughing. “come on papy, time for some food.”

I move Calisto to sit on my shoulder bones and she grips at my eyebrow ridges for stability. I offer a hand to my sullen brother, but he huffs at me, so I force the issue by grabbing his. I know he’s thankful for the contact, because he doesn’t pull away. Just follows behind me back to the diningroom.

Mom’s just in the process of finishing dessert; one of her specialties, a sugar pie. She’s drawing a pattern in thin careful lines of chocolate syrup. I set Cali down in her high chair, and then try and sneak a peek at the design. Is she writing something in Wing Dings? But before I can figure it out, she shifts her body in the way so I can’t see it.

She laughs. “sans, can you please set the table?”

“but i wanna _seeee!_ ” I tease, trying to duck my head around her. She covers it and turns to guard it from me. Aww.

“no!! after dinner, okay?”

“is dad coming?”

Her face drops slightly and she looks away, wiping her hands absently on a tea towel. “i think he’s working late again.”

“i can’t remember a time when he wasn’t,” I point out.

“i know, sans,” she sighs. The kitchen buzzer goes off and she startles. “look, can you please get the table?”

“okay, mom.”

Reaching out with my soul, I can feel my magic gently gripping the door handles on the cupboards above my head. They swing open, a bit faster than intended, but I’m working on that. More carefully this time, I let the cupboard doors go and then grip a stack of four plates, slowly bringing them to rest in my arms.

“LAZY MAGIC! LAZY MAGIC!” Papyrus starts pounding the table behind me in frustration.

“you’re just jealous ‘cause you can’t do it,” I tease him immodestly.

“ _boys_ ,” mom warns.

I hand Papy the plates while I open the utensil drawer – with my hands this time. Reaching up on a low shelf, I also grab one of Calisto’s cups. Before turning to set them out, I notice that mom’s left the pie unattended. A feeling of delight races up my vertebrae and I creep closer to the covered pie. No, I’ll be good this time, I sigh to myself. It’s obviously meant to be a surprise.

Looking up, I see mom holding the heavy lasagna in both hands with oven mitts on, carefully balancing it against her hip bones before sliding it onto the table. She’s wearing a thin scarf around her head today, and her clothes are hanging loosely offer her haggardly. Is she getting thinner?

My eyes meet hers and she’s grinning at me, having caught me being good.

“knew you were my favourite,” she jokes.

“MOM!” Papy groans.

“ _eldest_ child. favourite _eldest_ child,” she corrects, sparing Papyrus’ feelings.

“SANS, YOU GAVE ME TOO MANY PLATES AGAIN!”

“i can’t help it. uh, just in case dad shows up, you know?” I shrug my shoulders at him, ignoring the plate he’s shoving at me and going around him to drop the utensils by each place setting.

Papyrus huffs, then rests the final plate at the head of the table, almost dropping it in disgust. Before sitting down, he corrects the forks and knives at each spot so that they are perfectly in line with each other and the plates they’re next to. I grumble. Annoying little perfectionist. We’re just going to move them around anyway as we eat, so what’s the point of obsessing over it? But, I guess that’s just his thing.

“CATUP! CATUP!” Cali calls demandingly, alternating between pounding her fists on the tray table (Papy’s got to stop doing that, he’s teaching her bad habits) and reaching towards her empty bottle still in my hand, grasping at the air for it.

“okay okay cali-bones, i’ll get you your ketchup.”

Her whole chair shakes as she giggles with delight. I’m worried for a sec she’s going to make it fall over, but it never has. After filling her cup with her favourite condiment, I snap the lid back in place and hand it to her. She takes to it immediately, sucking the stiff red liquid through the built-in straw in the cap. Her little eye lights flicker with delight.

“i wish you’d stop giving her that stuff,” mom scolds me gently.

“i can’t resist, her cute little face is my undoing.”

“UGH!” Papyrus grumbles as I settle in next to him at the table.

“s’matter papyrus?”

“STOP FLAUNTING THAT CALISTO IS YOUR FAVOURITE!”

“aww, c’mon papy, you know you’re my favourite too!”

“YOU CAN’T HAVE MORE THAN ONE FAVOURITE!”

“sure i can. you’re my favourite _brother_ ,” I tease.

“BUT SHE IS YOUR FAVOURITE SIBLING!” he protests.

“only ‘cause she gives me so many kisses,” I lean in to smooch his face. Papyrus recoils in horror.

“NO!! KISSING IS SO GROSS!”

“boys, _please_ \- are we going to eat or not?” mom’s soft voice rang out, firmly breaking up our squabble.


	2. The Telescope.

Happy Birthday.

“what’s a birthday?” I ask immediately, reading the syrupy message on the pie.

“it’s a human tradition to celebrate the anniversary of when their children are born. i thought it would be nice to start counting them, and by my math, you’re thirteen years old today, sans,” mom softly explains.

UGH. Why does she have to bring human garbage into our lives!? “i don’t want a birthday!” I shout back.

“oh, really? you don’t want any of your favourite pie for dessert?” She’s teasing me. She knows I can’t resist her sugar pie. I grumble into my hands.

“not if humans have anything to do with it!” I fire back.

“it’s also another day where parents shower their kids with presents,” she continues, the smug smile not leaving her voice. Presents? Outside of Gyft season?

“PRESENTS!? SANS, YOU SHOULD HAVE BIRTHDAYS MORE OFTEN!” Papyrus happily exclaims.

Mom laughs. “oh, i’m so sorry papyrus. the presents are only for the birthday boy. you’ll have your own special birthday in a couple months, where you’ll be nine years old. and calisto’s will be in six months from now.”

She slides the pie my way, along with a knife. I look up at her, sighing. “are you asking me to cut it?”

“it’s another part of the tradition,” she shrugs, smiling at me. “birthday boy gets to cut it first, and decide how big his piece of birthday pie is,” mom explains.

“well, i guess maybe birthdays aren’t so bad,” I groan. I cut a small sliver if pie and put it on a dessert plate for Papyrus. “this is for my _favourite_ bro,” I grin.

“THANK YOU, SANS,” he blushes softly.

“and this piece,” I say, sliding the rest of the pie towards myself. “is for me.”

“ _sans_ ,” mom grumbles jokingly.

“all right, fine, i suppose i can share,” I smile. “but you’re really busting my bones about it.”

* * *

 

“so why are we in waterfall?” I ask mom.

“for your present, of course. sans, if you’re going to hold cali by the hand the whole way,” she scolds. “can you at least make sure she doesn’t splash and get her dress all dirty?”

I scoop up the little terror and put her on my shoulders. Her tiny fists bop my head a couple times huffing, but then she sighs and grips me by the brow bones for support.

“are we almost there?”

“we’re there,” she smiles.

Turning one final corner, she pulls the blanket out from under her arm and unfurls it on the ground next to a… What _is_ that?

She sees the unspoken question in my eyes and laughs softly. “it’s called a telescope,” she explains. “it’s a tube of shaped glass lenses and mirrors that allows humans to get a better look at the stars. look at this, sans,” she beams, holding up a hardcover book that seems old and waterlogged. So that was the weird lump inside the blanket. Mom goes over to the telescope, setting it up and looking through a lens near the base.

“stars?” I ask, sitting on the blanket and setting Cali down next to me. She shuffles over to the book and tears open the cover carelessly, the fragile pages making a loud crinkling sound.

“READ! READ!” she demands.

“it doesn’t look like there’s much to read,” I say, pulling the book over to me. “it looks like it’s mostly pictures of… stars?”

I had no idea stars were so complex. There’s a two page spread that shows the process they go through, from when they start as a cloud of gas in space to when they end as something called a ‘neutron star’. Cali loves the pretty pictures, letting out small squeaks and sighs of delight at each new page. She keeps trying to turn the page on me to look ahead, grumbling every time I gently swat away her hands.

“but mom, what’s the point of all this?” I ask finally, heaving a sigh. “we can’t see the sky from underground.”

She grins, pointing upwards. I look up.

“PRETTY!” Cali giggles, looking up as well.

“what _about_ them?” I grumble, looking up at the glittery rocks in the ceiling.

“i may not have real stars to show you, but… i’m hoping these will do, until your father can find a way to get us out of underground,” she carefully explains. She lies down on the blanket next to me on her back, folding her hands behind her skull and looking up at the cavernous ceiling at the glowing stones. “there should be a page in that book on constellations – can you turn to it, sans?”

Flipping through the book I find a couple pages on constellations. “humans draw lines between stars?” I ask curiously. “how do they do that?”

Mom laughs. “they don’t actually draw them in the sky, sans – they’re just pretend.”

“oh,” I sigh. I lay down next to her to look up at the ceiling too, with Cali climbing my ribs to sit on my sternum and quietly play with the laces of my hoodie.

“you know, humans have another tradition that i find very interesting,” mom continues.

“what’s that?” I ask, then grimace at my own willingness to play along.

“sometimes there’s something in the sky called a ‘shooting star’. when humans see one, they make a wish,” she explains.

“why do they do that?”

“it’s something that fills them with hope. now, sans,” she turns her head to meet my eyes. “say there was a shooting star right now. what would you wish for?”

“we still can’t see the stars down here, mom. and wishing is stupid. it doesn’t do anything.”

“come on. tell me what you would wish for,” she presses, smiling softly.

“i want… i wish i could see the surface,” I sigh. “and… maybe some real stars… someday.”

“i think that’s a good wish,” she beams.

“i still think wishing is stupid. besides, didn’t i just ruin my chances at getting it by saying it out loud?”

“i don’t think so,” she shrugs against the blanket. “we already know how hard your father is working towards that goal, so i’m sure it’ll happen. saying it out loud gives you something to work towards.”

“what would you wish for, mom?” I ask.

“hmm…” she ponders, turning back to look up at the glittery cavern ceiling. “i wish that all my children get what they wish,” she grins. “and that they will always be happy.”

My magic rushes to my cheekbones before I can stop it, and mom turns her head to grin at my blush.

“uh, cali,” I distract. “what do _you_ wish for?”

She drums her tiny hands against my ribs excitedly. “MORE PIE!!” she cheers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep promising more of this story and then neglecting it. My bad D: Also, it's going to have a LOT of fluff in it - Family & friends kinds of fluff, maybe some one-sided romance - to make up for the darkness that's coming.
> 
> One minor spoiler though? You're going to LOVE this fic's Chara. Hehehehe.


	3. The Lunchbox.

“dad, i brought dinner!” I call out into the darkened lab.

No response. He must be downstairs. I wish he’d fix the lights in here, it’s too dark and spooky. Feeling with my magic, I manage to find my way through the mess of contraptions littering the first floor of his lab in Hotland. Finally, here’s the elevator. Hope there’s power this time. Falling abruptly down an elevator shaft is amoung one of my least favourite things to do.

It seems to be one of its better days, thank god, as it takes me down to the basement without so much as a nerve-wracking shake or whine of metal scraping on metal. It comes to a steady stop, and I step out. Half the lights are out here, too. I shrug and make my way through the dim white halls and linoleum floors to his office.

“dad?” I call out.

His light’s off so I flick it on with my magic. He’s asleep on his desk again. Sighing, I come over and place the containers of lasagna and sugar pie next to his arm, then grip his shoulders and gently shake him awake.

Thank god I’m so good at dodging. The sharpened bones start to fade in the wall behind where I was, before I teleported out of the way. Dad drops his arm and his expression falls, apologetic that he was so startled he nearly skewered his eldest son.

“geez dad, one of these days you’ll dust me for sure,” I grumble.

“ **Sans!** ” he rasps. “ **Do not startle me, it could be your end.** ”

“brought you some grub,” I nod towards the containers. He blinks his sockets at the offered food blearily, grasping a container in his bony hand to examine it. “are you going to come home tonight? i have to go pick up papy from the castle next.”

“ **Possibly,** ” he answers, examining the pie. “ **What did this say?** ”

“’happy birthday’ - it’s a human thing,” I shrug.

“ **Aha. Another one of Arial’s human holidays,** ” he muses.

“this one wasn’t so bad actually. i got pie and a present,” I admit.

“ **I will have a discussion with her about it at another time,** ” he sighs. “ **Until then, may I borrow your eyes for this project? I must be missing some important detail.** ”

Dad’s pointing to a diagram he’s drawn of some crazy machine. “what’s this?”

“ **It is another upgrade for the Core, to make it more efficient. If I can manage to get this working, we could get power out to homes in Snowdin and even the Ruins – With some excess to continue our efforts against that infernal barrier,** ” he grins, incensed with the unbeatable challenge.

“dad, i know you’re smart and all, but i really don’t think monster magic is an answer to the barrier, I grumble. “plus, you’ve been trying for _hundreds of years_ \- when are people going to realize the obvious answer?”

“ **That is because we do not have any humans down here,** ” he states exasperatedly, tired of this age old argument. “ **In a thousand years only _one_ has ever fallen, and she was grievously injured, so we had to let her go. It is doubtful that will ever happen again.** ”

“if it ever _does_ , we should just quit wasting time and take their soul. i mean, so _what_ if they’re injured? it just means it’ll be easier to-“

“ ** _Sans_ ,**” he says sternly, standing from his chair to use his towering height against me. “ **Back on track. Do you see anything amiss in my diagram?** ”

I tap the paper idly up in the top corner where he’s scribbled some notes. “you forgot to carry the one again. seriously dad, get some rest. you’re working yourself to the bone down here.”

* * *

 

“did you have fun with asriel today?”

“INDEED! WE PERFORMED ONE OF SHAKEY-SPEARS’ PLAYS FOR THE KING AND QUEEN!” Papyrus exclaims excitedly, swinging my arm where he’s holding my hand on the way back home. “QUEEN TORIEL CLAPPED AND SAID THAT IT WAS OUR BEST ONE YET!” he blushes.

“which play was it this time?” I ask.

“MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM,” he beams proudly.

“isn’t that the one where a bunch of people get married or something?”

“UGH!” he groans. “IT IS _MUCH_ MORE COMPLICATED THAN _THAT!_ ”

“maybe you two will have to put on a show for me some time,” I chuckle. It might be fun watching Papyrus have to kiss the prince as part of the play.

“CAN WE GO GET MY LUNCHBOX OUT OF THE LAKE FIRST?”

“sure thing, bro.”

It’s a long, exhausting walk back to Waterfall, and the river person isn’t at the dock in New Home today, so I decide to teleport us both to the lake.

“UGH! WARN ME NEXT TIME,” Papyrus barks.

“sure thing, baby bones.”

“I AM NOT A BABY!!”

“whatever, half-pint.”

“YOU ARE THE _WORST!!_ ” he protests.

“don’t you want me to get your lunch box out of the lake?”

She threw it pretty far, but I can still sense it where it’s sitting in a trench at the bottom of the lake. I grab hold of it with my magic when an amazing idea for a prank crosses my mind. Carefully, I raise it out of the water, and float it over to Papyrus.

His cheekbones blush orangely as he spots the weathered tin, the barely-legible word ‘Transformers’ emblazoned on its surface, with pictures of robots and cars and robots turning into cars on every side but the scuffed metal bottom.

Papyrus smiles appreciatively and holds out his arms to carefully grasp the treasured tin. “THANK YOU, SANS-“

That’s when I release it into his hands, and all the water held inside spills all over him.

“oops,” I chuckle.

Papyrus blinks through betrayed orange tears, his breathing getting harsher as a sob caught in his throat chokes him.

“Y-YOU ARE THE _W-WORST_ BROTHER _EVER!!_ ” he trembles out.

He snatches the tin off the ground where it fell and takes off running towards the riverperson’s dock.

“aw c’mon papy, don’t be like that!” I shout after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans is kind of a jerk in this, sorry. Also some insight on Papyrus' young life. Poor guy :(


End file.
